Partly after reading Tom Ewing’s post, partly after tossing around the last paragraph a bit. It’s (oh god why am I still writing this) the time and money thing again. Sure, you can be part of a battle and a movement and tasked to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT with your arms and pens or paper or whatnot. You can also be a human being with nervous and endocrine systems, with sleep deprivation and utter fear and every other physiological response to being addled and addled again by deadlines and paranoia and paperwork and layoffs and rent and roommates who want rent from you and alcohol and caffeine and social networks and dudes and such. You end up thinking “career career career career” because if you stop thinking that, there’s a chance it’ll vanish like Tinkerbell or something. It’s a full-time effort some days just to try to make yourself battle-ready in the first place, let alone to actually fight.
And somewhere in the middle of this, you manage to listen to music and like it a lot.
Aside from how accurate this is, it reminded me that working in a field that is “fun” and in which I am “lucky” to have a job doesn’t preclude said career from being constantly and spectacularly anxious-making.